Dear Lincoln,
Today you are a month old. I really don't know where the past month has gone. I still can't believe you're here. I can't believe you're mine. I can't believe I gave birth to you! You see, your mom has always been repulsed by needles, blood, and pain. Yes, I am a wimp. You'll have plenty of time to make fun of me for that later. Just the thought of physically having a baby scared the heck out of me my entire life. I really didn't want to do it. During the entire pregnancy with you, I honestly just pushed the thought of labor out of my head. I didn't even think about it. Until October 25th.
October 25th, 2015.
I woke up on that Sunday not feeling really good. I was having some discomfort so I decided I better not go to church. I spent that entire day pretty much on the couch, on all fours, wondering what the heck was going on. I remember thinking there was a good chance I was having contractions, so like any normal person I googled it. I couldn't decide if what I was feeling was real or Braxton Hicks, so I just put up with it. Thank goodness your Dad only had a half day of work that day. When he came home I explained what was happening. He was just as confused as me. It wasn't until 6:30 p.m. when my water broke that I realized I had been having contractions and had basically been in labor all day. Good to know-I'll be more prepared next time.
I told your Dad my water broke. I remember my nerves taking over and shaking like crazy. This was real. It was happening. The next step was delivering you. I was kind of a wreck. Your Dad, ever the calm one, told me to relax, take a shower, and that he would get everything together. I remember not even taking the time to blow dry my hair, because I was too anxious. I just wanted to get to the hospital. When we arrived, they wheeled me into one of the labor and delivery rooms. I remember thinking it was weird that somebody was pushing me in a wheelchair. I didn't feel like I needed one. The things you think about when you're nervous. Once in the room, we were told we weren't going home, that I was already dilated to a five. I was in shock. I had no idea how soon you'd arrive, so we made ourselves as comfortable as we could (hospital beds and couches are not comfortable. I'll make sure you bring extra pillows when you and your wife have a baby). Your Uncle Sam happened to be in town, and he stopped by to see how we were doing and to give me a blessing. I was so thankful for that. I knew I would need all the strength I could get. I let your Dad sleep as much as he could. I was too anxious to really sleep. I watched a lot of Golden Girls throughout the night. I was happy for the distraction. The contractions started to get uncomfortable, so I was all ready for an epidural. Then I felt like a new woman. I thought it was amazing that I couldn't really feel those contractions. I just kept wondering when you'd arrive.
October 26th, 2015.
You took your sweet time getting here. It wasn't until the afternoon that you arrived. I wasn't really all there when you finally arrived. My eyes were shut and I was pretty tired, as I'm sure you were. When the nurses told me you weighed 8 1/2 lbs, I was floored. You are my badge of honor Lincoln. I was exhausted. I remember looking over at you and just being in disbelief. You were finally here. You were healthy. You were perfect.
5:47 a.m. November 23, 2015.
This past month has been a bit of a whirlwind for me Lincoln. You have been visited by so many people who love you and were so excited to see you. Many people have helped me--I truly am blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. You are such a good baby. I love when you sleep on my shoulder, and I hear you sigh with content. You are growing healthy and strong with every new day. I thank my Heavenly Father that He trusted me and has confidence in me that I can be your mother. I know I don't always give myself the credit I deserve. I must have read Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk a thousand times this past month. When I have my moments of self doubt and worry, I remember his words:
"'Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are."
--Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Lincoln, I love you. I am forever changed because of you.
Love,
Your Mother
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