July 11, 2011


This is my curse. I never used to be like this, mind you. Back in high school, I always tried to get A's and B's only. The thought of not doing homework was criminal. Not paying attention in class was appalling. And not having a good attitude? Well that was simply unforgivable. Now, a mere four years later since graduating high school, I have seemed to forget that high standard I used to keep. Procrastination has become my own worst enemy. And my best friend. I can't go anywhere without it.

As I am yet writing another research paper (due tomorrow), I have to take a moment to pause and reflect on my short life. In high school, if I had a paper due, I would knock it out of the way as soon as I could. I was always two steps ahead of everything. Now? I'm lucky to get it done the morning of. Not the best method to live by, I know. I have to ask myself where my motivation has gone. I love learning, but lately, I just am done with the whole thing. Must be the senior blues. I have only two semesters left, and instead of enjoying every last minute of college, I just can't wait for it to be over.

I have always been like this though. Once I get seriously fed up with something, I have a seriously hard time letting go of that thorn in the rose. I can only see that thorn. And believe me, I will let it push into me as far as I will let it go. I am the champion of the whole "the grass must be greener on the other side" mantra. I know this is one of my weaknesses. I know having a whole "the glass is half full" is the way to go. And I know I will look back on these four years of college and beg to have these years back. I'm not stupid. But living in the moment can be hard. And right now, with finals a week from today to look forward to, finishing this last paper, being cheerful is seriously lacking with me.

Other than end of the semester woes, life is good. Still trying to find out who I really am, all that good stuff that comes with being 22. Trying to figure life out, accepting my true purpose in life, deep stuff. That's a blessing with being a member of the Church. You know your true purpose. You have the map of life. You just have to follow it. And believe me, we all make it so much harder than it is. But along the way, we find our moments of pleasure, triumph, and joy. I will feel all three of these by tonight when I have typed that last sentence of my paper. Because, as we all know, I will put off this paper until the very last minute of the day.