April 26, 2016

Dear Lincoln,

Oh my goodness. Today you are six months. I'm overwhelmed at this realization. I say this month after month, and today I'm just begging for time to slow down. Six months ago I held you in my arms and was flooded with all the emotions of a new mother. I still hold those emotions with me. I will cherish them all my life. The thoughts I had on that day are the same now: You are my son. You are mine. We are going to have great adventures together, Lincoln. You and me. 

Lincoln, everyday I get up and look at you and smile. You grin at me with the most love, recognition, and devotion I've ever seen. It's such a reverent moment for me. You love me. I love you. Your Heavenly Father loves you. That love I feel cancels out any worry, doubt, or fear I may be going through. I have never experienced that before. Until you. 

Lincoln, you have to know this upfront, your mother is cautious, and worries. And worries. I've really been trying to work on this. It's just that you're my first baby and I want to make sure I'm taking care of you, that you're developing the right way, and that you're healthy. I realize I cannot control everything, that negative things will happen to you, and that just totally freaks me out. I am one protective mama bear. Luckily, I don't dwell on these sad thoughts for very long. But, like I said, I'm always worried about you. I don't want you to grow up too fast. Just know that. 

Oh Lincoln, how you are changing and growing! You now can sit up, with some assistance. You can roll over from your back to your stomach, and from your stomach to your back. You are babbling, and love to tell me what's up. I love your little noises! You just will sit there and we'll have a good conversation. I know on some level, we understand each other. It's priceless. You still love to take your naps falling asleep on me. You tried rice cereal for the first time and looked at me like I was trying to poison you. You're such a happy baby boy! Your smiles are my world. Your laughs are my world. I still can't stand when you cry, I just want to make it all better right at that moment. So yes, I'm always going to want to wrap you in my arms and hold you close until your world is all right again. 

Lincoln, this world is a big place. It's a wonderful, scary place. You'll have many decisions to make. I'll make as many as I can for you, and hope that they are the right ones. Some lessons I want you learn early on: 

-Be tolerant of people. You may not always like everyone, or agree with everyone. But you will need to respect them for who they are. 
-Be optimistic. This world has so much commotion, so much filth, so much despair. But it has so much good as well. Find it. Hold onto it. Don't become discouraged for very long. It will work out-it always does.
-Decide what you want to believe. I will teach you and pass on my beliefs to you, my views of the world and so on. But I want you to decide for yourself and grow in knowledge and wisdom. I'll love you no matter what.
-Be a gentleman. You better believe I will teach you how to be a respectful, decent member of society. I will expect you to treat people with respect. I will expect you to be polite, thankful, and so on. 

Well, as usual, I'm getting ahead of myself. I just look at you everyday and pray that I will do the best I can to raise you in such a way that is pleasing to myself and the Lord. But for now, you're my baby. And I can live with that. 

Lincoln, you are my world. I love you. 

Your Mother