See, admitting this isn't the easiest thing. Nobody likes to admit their mistakes or faults. But I feel like I have to express all this anxiety out in order to concentrate on those papers. :)
So, back to the root of my stress. I have forgotten the big picture. I have been so wrapped up in writing papers, going to class to get attendance points, mindlessly doing homework, and generally, having a pretty negative attitude about everything. And when I say everything, I do mean everything. From my clothes, to my apartment, to work, even complete strangers. I was just stuck in this "I hate everything" phase. Kind of ridiculous for a twenty-three year old. So finally, I just had to say, "Buck up buttercup." And it wasn't easy to say that. It should have been, because who wants to be stuck in a state of worry, despair, and fear? No one.
My catch phrase through all of this comes from Elder Wirthlin's talk, "Come What May, and Love it." Actually, it's just that phrase. I had to tell myself that in the grand scheme of things, getting a low B in archery class is not a big deal. Working at a fast food joint and dealing with the stress of being in management will end. Graduation from college is a mere 15 days away. All of these worries will end. I realize stress never ends. It's just a part of life. But since graduation is so soon, and the reality of leaving Rexburg for good has hit in, I had to ask myself what I have learned in my four years of being up here. Here's what I came up with:
- Learning how to get along with people. (Elementary right? Not so much)
- Accepting the fact that I cannot control other people or their actions
- Learning to love others
- Marriage. (Still learning about this)
- Loving my spouse and accepting him for who he is
- Learning to "bloom where I'm planted"
- Learning how to eliminate making snap judgments about people
So, I've learned a lot more. But as I realized, coming here to school has really taught me how to be a better person. Yes I've learned how to write a great thesis statement, and how to diagram sentences, but it's really all about being a better person in the gospel.
So that's my little blurb about my feelings. Have to get back to those papers, but to sum up: I'm grateful I was able to attend BYU-Idaho. I'm grateful for the experiences I've had so I was able to learn from them. I'm grateful for Denver and all he teaches me about becoming a better person. Ok, enough with the soap opera mush. Go hug someone you care about. :)